SBF Learns The Ropes of a New Financial System Involving Mackerel

Sam Bankman-Fried, who was convicted by a jury after only a few hours of deliberation, is currently waiting for his indictment in a cell at the MDC.

Adjusting to a New Paradigm

The former FTX CEO faces up to 120 years in prison, depending on Judge Kaplan’s decision.

Until his sentencing – due in March – Bankman-Fried is sharing a cell with Juan Orlando Hernández, the former president of Honduras awaiting trial for firearms and narcotics trafficking charges, and Genaro García Luna, Mexico’s ex-secretary of public security who has been convicted of helping the Sinaloa cartel smuggle more than 50 kilos of cocaine into the U.S.

According to prison consultant Bill Baroni, SBF is relatively lucky to have such cellmates, as MDC houses far worse offenders.

“When he is sentenced, his life will get better. He’ll be out of the facility with the most violent people.”

In order to prepare for the worst, SBF has been getting ahold of the ropes of a new financial system – one based on prison commissary items.

New Stores of Value

According to an unnamed source familiar with SBF’s case, the former CEO has adjusted to life in prison by stocking up on mackerel packets, the most common store of value in prison ever since smoking was banned in U.S. jails.

The Wall Street Journal reports that these fish preserves were used to pay for the haircut that did away with the former mogul’s (in)famous shock-jock mop of hair, for which he paid four mackerel packets.

Martin Shkreli, never one to go unnoticed, informed Twitter users that SBF wildly overpaid for the service, much like some of the investments that put him in his current situation in the first place.

four mack is a ripoff. but if you’re stunting you would toss homie a book (a book of stamps).

in MDC mac spot market is bigger than stamp spot market. in prison prison, stamp spot market is more liquid. mac is very dense and its suspicious to be holding 500 macs. however, it’s…

— Martin Shkreli (e/acc) (@wagieeacc) November 23, 2023

Currently, a packet of mackerel costs $1.30 at the prison commissary, 30% more than the cost of the same product three years ago.

Alas, inflation also hits those behind bars. However, Baroni stated that despite the inflation that mackerel is subject to in prison, it still has some advantages over SBF’s prior investments.

“The mack currency system is far more stable than crypto.”

Another advantage offered by the mackerel payment system is that for SBF, they are a mere store of value, given his vegan diet, a culinary choice not shared by his fellow inmates. In the meantime, his complaints about the prison diet have allegedly been addressed, and he is now being served vegan meals instead of the peanut butter sandwiches he survived on previously.